My youngest son Kristopher is getting married Saturday. Kris, Lindsey, Bev and I spent all afternoon at church preparing for the wedding. As I cleaned and helped set up, there was plenty of time to reflect.
Bev and I have been married for nearly 29 years now. We went through those first few years of marriage that everyone goes through. We were learning to live with each other, establishing the rules, trying desperately not to fight like everyone told us we would. Who pays the bills? What money goes where? Seat up, seat down? Socks rolled right side out? Hamper verses floor? Holidays? The list goes on and on. It took some time but, hey, I've always been trainable.
Yesterday afternoon Kris made a comment about something and Lindsey gave him "the look" (hey, after 29 years I can recognize it from a mile off). I was proud of my son, though. He didn't say anything. He smiled and kept his mouth shut. I think he is going to make a fine husband.
In all seriousness, I found myself wondering how I could help them to avoid some of the pain we experienced. How could they learn from my mistakes? I began to think about love. After all, that's what keeps you going for 29 years and hopefully many more. That's what captures the heart of twenty one year old and gets him to slow down. Making a serious life commitment to someone will bring to light all that you don't know about them. However, when you're in love, it doesn't matter. You are convinced there is nothing you can't overcome.
The more I thought about marriage, love and any kind of advice I might give them the more my thoughts resembled 1 Corinthians 13. Paul was speaking in the context of the church and having unity when he launches into this chapter describing love.
1 Corinthians 13
1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.
You can say many fine words and speak like a Hallmark card but if you don't have love you are just making noise. You can have a fine wedding, maybe spend lots of money, invite many guests, you can look the part, say the part, play the part but if you don't have love, you have nothing. You can sacrifice all that you have but without love you've gained zilch.
When love is present it is accentuated with the Hallmark card, spoken words, the wedding you dreamed of with friends and family present. When love is present and you are willing to sacrifice all you have for love, everything is gained.
4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love is not about you. When the two become one, then you must be driven to protect your other half, your better half. There can't be impatience, envy, pride, lewdness and evil in a love relationship. The marriage is a model of Christ and his bride, the church. Jesus shows us the model of love. In love, we find joy in truth. Together, in love, you bear all things, believe, hope and endure.
8Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.
Love won't fail. People fail. They fail to love. But love will outlast all failures. It's right in front of us. It's a decision you have to make. Marriages fail all the time for a variety of reasons. However, love has never failed, not once.
11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.
13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
The greatest of these is love. You can spend a lifetime trying to figure it all out. You never will, but the journey will be much more pleasant and God honoring than living a selfish, self seeking life. I love my wife more now than ever before. She's always been good at it, I'm getting better as she continues to show me what love is all about.
These verses are often ready at weddings and we probably had them read at our wedding. It's funny how little I understood of love when I made that commitment. Others tried to tell me. I heard the words but at the time but was so self centered they meant nothing to me.
In a culture where more marriages fail than succeed one might think that the odds are against them from the beginning. I disagree. I believe with a regenerated heart that comes from trusting in Jesus Christ that the success rate should be 100%. The success of Kris and Lindsey's marriage will be 100% on their ability to love. The failures of others ability to love doesn't change their love. Love never fails.
Congratulations Kristopher and Lindsey.
Just thinking.
Doug.
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